Psalm 126

Dearest family and friends,

In church this morning we sang the song, Psalm 126 (by Bifrost Arts Music). It’s a song that holds a lot of emotion for me. The first time I sung it in church was in the midst of a lot uncertainty following our miscarriage and months of infertility. The months that followed that Sunday I listened to this song almost every morning. It was a way to start my day by saying, I would choose to see God’s kingdom here on earth. I would choose to love and honor children in the midst of much heartache. And I would choose to pray when it seemed impossible. Pray for God to give me eyes and hands to sow for the sake of His kingdom.

Our mouths they were filled, filled with laughter
Our tongues they were loosed, loosed with joy
Restore us, O Lord
Restore us, O Lord
Although we are weeping
Lord, help us keep sowing
The seeds of Your Kingdom
For the day You will reap them
Your sheaves we will carry
Lord, please do not tarry
All those who sow weeping
Will go out with songs of joy
The nations will say, “He has done great things!”
The nations will sing songs of joy
Restore us, O Lord
Restore us, O Lord

So then we sang it this morning in church. I thought that getting pregnant would take away the pain of infertility and our miscarriage, but being pregnant has not taken away that pain. Every facet of being pregnant is beautiful to me. Oh how I’ve longed for this belly bump — I think it’s the most amazing thing in the world. And oh how I’ve longed for Sam to talk to my belly and read to our baby, and contemplate the first song he should sing to the baby once it’s ears were developed. It’s truly a gift. A gift that has brought with it so many other anxieties and fears. My levels that I’m receiving shots for keep going up and down drastically and more medical intervention is needed at times, but the Lord is calling me to rest and give thanks for everyday I have the privilege to carry this baby. And oh do I do that with an overflowing cup.

So as we sang this song again this morning and I rubbed my growing belly thinking about how our story has changed — a flood of emotion came over me again. This time last year we were overwhelmed with testing and “why nots” and the complexity of getting pregnant for us. And this month, we mourned over not giving birth to our first baby (which would have been the first week of November), never meeting him or her and praised God for holding our son or daughter in His hands. And then in the moment this morning, I was overwhelmed with thankfulness. That through the weeping He heard us and has given us a beautiful gift of this child. Oh how God’s kindness has been written in our stories.

I need to come to a point of understanding that our infertility will always be painful. And we will always mourn not knowing our first baby. But oh how we can give abundant thanks unto the Lord that hears us in our weeping, and gives us the strength to sow for the sake of His Kingdom. And oh how my heart bursts with joy for the life inside of me. Oh how I’ve longed for this day. To sing Psalm 126 with a tongue loosed with joy -- as a song of great thanks and anticipation for Christ to return and make all things new.

Much love,
Katelyn (& Sam)

17 week bump! I'm currently 18wks 2days!