Dear family and friends, We’ve made it to 37 weeks with baby #2! She is healthy and growing and getting chubby. We can’t wait to meet her face to face so soon.
This last month of pregnancy has been physically and emotionally exhausting. I’ve been so needy. In the “fun ways” like, “hey Sam, I really need a milkshake” and in the not-so-fun ways that end in lots of tears and overwhelming insecurities that there’s no way I am, can, or will be enough for these two girls, and Sam.
Eden has been having a hard time sleeping the past few months. She’s scared, and needy just like her mama. She knows change is coming and wants to soak in her time with us as much as we do with her before we enter into a season of so many unknowns. Not sleeping/napping, partnered with growing a human inside of me, does not bode well for my overall well-being. Exhaustion turns me into an impatient, no-grace-in-the-moment, crank.
All of that being said, Eden slept last night, and this morning, and for the first time in months I had intentional time to sit with Jesus, talk to baby girl, and lay all my fears at the feet of my Creator. A sweet friend told me to listen to Ellie Holcomb’s new song, “wonderfully made”. Be careful, it will bring you to tears. As I listened to this song, all I could think about was how fearful I have been this pregnancy that I am not, will not, and can not be enough — these words were balm to my soul.
“What if I saw me the way that you see me?
What if I believed it was true?
What if I traded this shame and self-hatred,
For a chance at believing you?
That you knit me together in my mother's womb,
And you say that I've never been hidden from you.
And you say that I'm wonderfully, wonderfully made.”
So today, and in these last days until baby girl arrives, I am going to rest in His totally sufficient “enoughness” for me. For Sam. For Eden. For baby girl. Because He makes all grace abound. And because he sees me and says I’m wonderfully made. As I prayed for baby girl this morning, her coming into the world story, and our family as we prepare for her — I made sure to tell her over and over and over again that the author of her story already calls her wonderfully made. There is nothing better.
Much love,
Katelyn
