Christmas Letter 2017

Dear family and friends,

Merry Christmas! It’s always wonderful for me to take this time of year to reflect on the past twelve months and figure out what updates to share.

Our girls. Wow, Jesus has been so kind. We couldn’t be more thankful for our healthy, beautiful girls, Eden and Chloe. They are truly delightful. This time last year I was 30 weeks pregnant and feeling very uncomfortable!

Eden Grace is 2.5 years old and so much fun. She has an amazing, ever-expanding vocabulary and imagination. She started going to “school” this year at Timothy Lutheran and she loves it. She tells us all about her friends, the books and songs they sing, chapel days, and the crafts she enjoys so much. She is slowly learning how to share and we’re thankful for the shepherding of her dear teachers :) Eden loves to read (well, look at) books for hours. She loves being outside, having tea parties, and caring for all her “babies” (stuffed animals). She’s so nurturing and has stepped into her big sister role with ease. It amazes us every day to see her precious personality continue to come out--she’s a delightful little girl and we’re so proud of her!

Chloe Evangeline is 10 months old and has recently decided she doesn’t hate sleep! Praise Jesus! The first 3 months of Chloe’s life, we entered the world of colic and weren’t sure we’d survive it. About the time we realized she had grown out of it, she decided she hated to sleep at night (but thankfully never lost her love for napping)! For months, “we” were averaging about 4hrs of sleep... I know they say “‘tis just a season”, but it felt like a very long season! She is a mama’s girl and separation anxiety is in full swing. She is also pretty much the cutest baby ever. She broke 4 new teeth this past month, which we think probably added to the sleepless nights. She gives the biggest smiles, the biggest giggles, and has the funniest sheepish grin whenever she crawls at lightning speed towards our electrical outlets. She keeps us on our toes for sure! She loves her sister, loves chewing on all things, and loves living on the edge (watch out dog bowls, any and all wires, and everything she can possibly pull on top of herself). She’s following in her sister’s footsteps with a deep love for carbs and cheese :) Jesus knew we needed this girl--we all love her to pieces and love getting to know her more.

Sam continues to serve as the assistant pastor at South City Church and loves it. Even in tiring seasons, the Lord is faithful to provide encouragement and joy. Our hearts are truly committed to this church and this city, and it’s a privilege to help serve as the hands and feet of Jesus in our neighborhood.

I continue to teach first grade at South City Community School with a class of 13 this year! My class has been a bit more challenging this time around, but we’re learning and growing alongside each other and I’ve seen glimmers of relational progress. We’ve implemented a “gratitude circle” at the end of each day--a time and place to compliment one another and share something or someone we are grateful for as we reflect on our school day. This has been good practice for me too. Every time I see the preschoolers out and about at school I can barely handle the thought of Eden being here with me next year!

The past few months Eden has been asking questions about the homeless people we see in our neighborhood and around the city. We’ve talked a bit about some of their stories and she’s starting to understand that lots of them are homeless for lots of different reasons. We take a moment to pray whenever we get a chance, and a few weeks ago we decided to pick up some granola bars to give out at intersections. It’s just a simple way to say “we see you and we care about you.” Anyway, a few days ago, we were heading out to the car and Eden was trying to tell her sister why we needed to bring the granola bars: “our people are hurting and need this, Chloe.” I still get weepy thinking about it. Even as a two year old, she gets it. She understands that we’re not too different. These are our people--people like us who ache and yearn and sin and struggle and need all the grace and mercy we can get. Thankfully, that’s exactly what Christmas is all about: “the Word became flesh and dwelt among us” and “from his fullness we all have received grace upon grace” (John 1:14-16).

I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t make me uncomfortable when a homeless person walks up to my car. But this Christmas--through the words, curiosity, and nurturing soul of my 2 year old daughter--Jesus is reminding me of the whole point of the gospel: the prince of heaven gave up his riches, entered this world, made himself homeless, to bring us to the palace of God. Hallelujah! What a love. What a Savior!

So this Advent season, I’ve been weepy (surprise!) at the beauty of Jesus, through the eyes of Eden. And I’ve been reminded time and time again that our call on this earth is to model that same kind of love--incarnational, self-giving, indiscriminate love for our people, all of them--till the day that he returns.

This Christmas, may the incredible love of Jesus fill your homes and plant in your hearts a deep desire to love as he first loved us.

Love,

The Haists

Chloe Evangeline Haist

Dear family and friends, 

Chloe Evangeline Haist, our precious daughter, was born on February 7, 2017 at 1:39AM. She weighed 6lbs 15oz and was 20in long. Here is her coming into the world story (better late than never).

Wrangling Eden for teeth brushing the evening of Feb. 6th.

It was the morning of February 7th. For two weeks, I had been having unpredictable  contractions. They weren’t Braxton Hicks anymore, these were the real deal, confirmed by being 2.5cm dilated and 90% effaced at 35 weeks (we knew this after an unexpected hospital visit). I told Sam the morning of February 7th that I wasn’t feeling “myself” but couldn’t really pinpoint what was wrong. I went on with my day teaching and mom-ing. At our appointment with the midwife that afternoon (37wks 4 days), she said baby’s head was low, but unfortunately I could keep having spontaneous/painful contractions up until my due date and they were no real sign that baby was coming early. She did also throw in what to do in case of a car birth (ha!) and that she wasn’t making any promises, but didn’t expect to see us the following Monday. I was pretty discouraged by our appointment, as I couldn’t bear the thought of 2.5 more weeks of feeling the way I was feeling. We got home and went on with our afternoon/evening. I gave Eden her bath, snuggled her close as we read stories, and kissed her goodnight.

I settled in with Sam to watch an episode of The West Wing, when the contractions picked up again (this was the “normal” pattern of our evenings). Back to the birthing ball for me. However, the contractions seemed to keep coming even after an hour, two hours, 2.5hrs, etc. Not really getting closer together -- every 10min, then 15min, then 8min, then 4min. No real pattern. We got ready for bed and laid down. Not for long! I had to keep getting up to walk through the contractions but they still weren’t coming in any pattern, and they weren’t getting any more intense. Around 11:30pm, Sam insisted I call the midwife (I was pretty apprehensive since the contractions weren’t unbearable yet). The midwife told me they usually don’t have mamas come in until their contractions are much closer together and intensifying, but she told me to trust my body and she’d be happy to meet me if we thought it was go time. I told her better safe than sorry (I was gbs positive and needed an antibiotic via IV). We decided to meet at The Birthing Center in an hour, at 12:30am.

Chloe Evangeline Haist

We called our dear friends George and Laura and they headed over to spend the night with Eden. We headed to the hospital -- chatting, listening to music, relaxed and not convinced we’d be staying to have our baby. We were fully prepared to be sent home. When we arrived at the MBC (Mercy Birthing Center), we were greeted by two of the midwives. They checked me (3.5cm) and told me I’d most likely be heading home but just in case things progressed, they’d like to get the IV started to be on the safe side. They were going to keep me for a little bit to see if things picked up. While the midwife was putting the IV in my hand, the contractions started coming one on top of the other. They weren’t manageable anymore -- I needed to get up and walk. I walked with the IV drip for 10min until it finished and then told Sam and I was definitely having a baby today and to get a hold of our parents. The contractions were coming over me so quickly I couldn’t get on top of my breathing. I remember telling Sam this was hurting way worse than with Eden and I wasn’t sure I could do it (without knowing, I was in transition). I needed relief, so I waddled myself into the shower. About 10min into laboring in the shower and I was screaming “GET THE MIDWIFE” at Sam who had just returned from calling our parents.

First family photo 15min after birth

The midwife came in and I told her “I needed to push”, “I thought I felt a head”, “I was feeling a lot of pressure”. She calmly told me to “trust my body”. I stood up and my water burst. Dripping wet, I made it to the bed without enough time to dry off. Two pushes later, and Chloe made her big debut. The start of my IV was at 1:05AM. Chloe made her grand entrance at 1:39AM. Sam and I couldn’t stop laughing -- did that just happen? Was our daughter really here? The pain of those 34min was unfathomable! 

But there she was, in our arms. 

I was flooded with emotions. Different from what I felt after Eden. Eden was our joyous gift after years of suffering. Chloe was what we called our “good news” gift baby. Her whole life in the womb was the Lord reminding me of his goodness and kindness to his children. After Chloe, all I could think about was this little person, knitted together by the Creator of the universe. The truth that the Lord knew her, her whole being now in my arms, far before I did. He knew that she’d have a head full of dark wavy hair. He knew that she’d sleep with her mouth open. He knew that her toes would be long, and she’d have the best wrist creases even at 6lbs 15oz. He knew about her kissable cheeks and he knew that her ears would be hairy. I just couldn’t/can’t handle that he knew. Every inch of her was already known, and not by me.

Her name. Chloe is a woman of the Bible. While we don’t know much about her, it was while he was benefiting from the hospitality of her home that Paul received information of strife among leaders in the Early Church. Her middle name, Evangeline, is Greek for “bearer of good news”. This was so much of Chloe’s story, in the womb, and now. One of my many earthly struggles is that I often let Satan convince me that good things will be taken from me. I wait for the something to go wrong because things can’t possibly be good. That’s my Chloe. The Lord kept telling me time and time again throughout my pregnancy that he wanted this good gift of Chloe for our family. He kept telling me to rest in his goodness -- his kindness in wanting to give his children good gifts. While it wasn’t easy, I was able to let go and listen to Jesus more this pregnancy. I was actually able to rest without anxiety and fear.

This feels like the longest blog post ever, but I did want to say a few things about being a mom of two now. As many of you know, I had what felt like a long season (9 months - ha!) of grieving that our family was going to change. I honestly did not believe the dozens of people that told me my heart would “grow” and that I would love Chloe as much as Eden. It didn’t seem possible. Let me tell you, this love thing, it’s crazy. Those people? They were so right. The moment I met Chloe, it felt like I had known her since before our family was our family. It felt so natural and “right” that she would be here. It didn’t feel like she was intruding on our family (I know, that sounds crazy), it felt like she had always been a part of it. People tell

you it’s going to be a hard transition. What they don’t tell you is that it’s going to have moments of sweetness that make your heart want to explode. And perhaps one of the greatest truths of the “hard transition” is -- you’ve already done this! What they tell you is that your first baby is going to act out and change. What they don’t tell you is that you’re going to fall more deeply in love with your firstborn because you’ve never known them in this new capacity. It’s a new way of knowing Eden more intimately -- to know her as a sister. What they tell you is your marriage will change again -- the good, the bad, and the ugly. What they forget to tell you is that just like your heart grew the moment you met baby #2, your heart also grew to love that husband of yours in a new/different way in this new/different season of your marriage. When he’s rocking a newborn again at 3am, and you just want to cry because you’re so overwhelmed with gratitude that the Lord named that man as the father of your children.

As a mama of two earthly babies and one heavenly baby, here’s what I continue to learn. Grateful doesn’t seem like a strong enough word for the overwhelming thankfulness that we’ve been loaned these beautiful daughters here on earth. Grace doesn’t run out when you claim your faith in Jesus. It overflows. In the middle of the night, through the colic and reflux, in the tantrums, in the short temperateness, in the blinding fear, in all of it -- God’s grace is sufficient. ] Now to let myself rest in that grace -- still working on it. NEW MERCIES my friends. New mercies. When I kiss my husband and babies goodnight, I pray over them that we would wake up with eyes to see the Lord’s new mercies. For all the ways we fail during our day to love each other and Jesus well, there are new mercies extended to us. Mom guilt is a real thing. It can be paralyzing at times (can I get an Amen?). I legit bought a set of watercolors and spent 15min (with a screaming hungry baby) getting it set up for Eden so she didn’t watch one more episode of Curious George while I nursed Chloe at 5 days old. Because her brain just might turn to mush. What! Please laugh with me about that, but also know that you’re not the only mama that feels consumed with guilt over trivial (or not trivial) things.

Second child of ours, Chloe Evangeline, you are so treasured by this mama. I put your little mouth up my cheek every morning and feel you breathe in, and breathe out. I rock you far past the moment you fall asleep, because I don’t want to forget the heaviness of you in my arms. I trace your eyes and your nose and your mouth with my finger all. the. time. I sit here right now, next to your bed, watching your chest rise and fall -- that alone, is the most beautiful sight. You are my living, thriving, beautiful, gift of God’s goodness and I don’t take a moment with you for granted. I'm so glad Jesus knit you into the story of our family. 

Love,

Katelyn

Enough.

Dear family and friends,

We’ve made it to 37 weeks with baby #2! She is healthy and growing and getting chubby. We can’t wait to meet her face to face so soon.

This last month of pregnancy has been physically and emotionally exhausting. I’ve been so needy. In the “fun ways” like, “hey Sam, I really need a milkshake” and in the not-so-fun ways that end in lots of tears and overwhelming insecurities that there’s no way I am, can, or will be enough for these two girls, and Sam.

Eden has been having a hard time sleeping the past few months. She’s scared, and needy just like her mama. She knows change is coming and wants to soak in her time with us as much as we do with her before we enter into a season of so many unknowns. Not sleeping/napping, partnered with growing a human inside of me, does not bode well for my overall well-being. Exhaustion turns me into an impatient, no-grace-in-the-moment, crank. 

All of that being said, Eden slept last night, and this morning, and for the first time in months I had intentional time to sit with Jesus, talk to baby girl, and lay all my fears at the feet of my Creator. A sweet friend told me to listen to Ellie Holcomb’s new song, “wonderfully made”. Be careful, it will bring you to tears. As I listened to this song, all I could think about was how fearful I have been this pregnancy that I am not, will not, and can not be enough — these words were balm to my soul.

“What if I saw me the way that you see me?
What if I believed it was true?
What if I traded this shame and self-hatred,
For a chance at believing you?

That you knit me together in my mother's womb,
And you say that I've never been hidden from you.
And you say that I'm wonderfully, wonderfully made.”

So today, and in these last days until baby girl arrives, I am going to rest in His totally sufficient “enoughness” for me. For Sam. For Eden. For baby girl. Because He makes all grace abound. And because he sees me and says I’m wonderfully made. As I prayed for baby girl this morning, her coming into the world story, and our family as we prepare for her — I made sure to tell her over and over and over again that the author of her story already calls her wonderfully made. There is nothing better.

Much love,
Katelyn