Today Sam and I celebrate 4 years of marriage! What a privilege it has been to be his wife.
This day last year, we were driving down Hwy 1 from Napa, California to San Francisco. We rounded a corner and laid eyes on the magnificent Pacific. Instantaneously, I was brought to tears.
Rewind. Earlier on that 3rd anniversary morning, we were reminded that it was yet another month that we were not pregnant {in other words, my period came}. Frustrated and sad, we got in the car to drive with the windows down on a perfect 75 degree day. Sam in his quiet state, me in my weepy state. Those hours in the car would be some that are forever engrained in my mind as a gift. Hours of being vulnerable, sharing in pain, dreaming of the large family we hope to have someday. Reminiscing about funny stories in those first years of marriage {like accidentally shaving all of Sam’s hair off!}. Belly laughing and loud singing. It was a car ride to remember-- and so disconnected from city life. So good for our souls.
And then we rounded the corner and laid eyes on the magnificent Pacific. Instantaneously, I was brought to tears. The next moments are vivid in my mind. We parked and walked. I stuck my feet in the sand and looked out into a massive body of water {neat that Sam got a picture}. Waves crashing loudly. Wind blowing. Gigantic rocks obstructing the water. It was magnificent. And then I found the words to accompany the constant stream of tears {which seemed strange over seeing a body of water?}...
God is big.
Would you believe that it took those moments breathing in the largest body of water in the world for it to hit me? For God to create the jaw-dropping, tear-causing, gigantic aquatic-life filled ocean, he must be big enough to reign over our infertility. He must be big enough to carry our burdened hearts.
So that’s where I am this anniversary. Reminded of God's provision and the moment my heart accepted that God is bigger than my fear. I am thanking God for reigning over our marriage. These past four years have taught us that God’s grace alone sustains us. Again and again we will {always} fall short of the glory of God. And again and again, He calls us His beloved. I've been and I will forever fall short of the wife that Sam deserves, but again and again, he will call me his beloved. We never imagined it would be a year of the continuous struggle with infertility. We never imagined that we would have a baby resting in Jesus’ arms. We never imagined that Sam would be asked to go on staff at a church that is our family. We never imagined the generosity that has come from God’s people. God is good. His grace sustains us.
And friends, our God is big.
With thankful hearts.
Katelyn (& Sam)
