Christmas Letter 2018

Hello family and friends,

Merry Christmas from the Haists in St. Louis! ‘Tis the season for Christmas cards, life updates, and fun pictures, so we thought we’d fill you in on some of what’s happening in our neck of the woods.

Eden's first ballet recital - Nov. 2018

Eden Grace is 3.5 years old. This year, she started preschool at South City Community School (the school I teach at)! She has a very lively class of 9 three-year-olds and a very saintly teacher named Mrs. Smart. It’s been a hard adjustment for her, but she’s settling in, and we’re so proud of how she’s grown this year. She loves “wiggle time” (because she gets to dance), but, so far, her favorite part of the school year has been reading the story of Peter and The Wolf and listening to the composition by Sergei Prokofiev. We’ve spent many (many!) hours dancing and reenacting our favorite scenes at home! Eden also enjoys French and learning poems at school. One big accomplishment: she can write her name! She’s still taking a ballet class, and had her very first recital last month. We are so proud of her kind heart, her willingness to try hard things, and the incredibly patient big sister she is to Chloe.

Chloe 1.5yrs old

Chloe is almost 2 years old (February 7th), and her language is bursting! She’s talking up a storm and gets pretty frustrated when we can’t figure out what she’s saying. Lately, her favorite phrase is “Me! Eat! Now!” (which makes a lot of sense based on who her parents are). She keeps us laughing every day, and sanctifies us in ways we didn’t know we needed sanctifying. Chloe has a great sense of humor, and loves her baby dolls, ducks, owls, cats, and monkeys. She’s a bookworm like her sister (which makes this teacher mom so proud!), usually prefers cheese to dessert, and the girl can eat hummus like she’s chugging water. She HATES the car, but  loves playing outside. Oh, and she has an epic/amazing head of hair. Big accomplishment for Chloe: at 19 months old, SHE STARTED SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT!!!!! Praise Jesus! Chloe goes to childcare at school and ADORES her teacher Ms. Elisabeth.

Ethel learns her lesson the hard way. 

Ethel continues to be the most patient dog on the planet. One of her most recent adventures involved staying in Eden’s room during “quiet play time,” which somehow resulted in Ethel wearing a dress. Honestly though, she didn’t seem to mind. Ethel doesn’t get nearly enough fanfare these days, but really: we’re thankful for her presence, and the girls constantly remind her how much they love her (which might be a little too much).

Sam and I will celebrate 9 years of marriage in July and 13 years together. Marriage isn’t always easy (especially in this season of teaching, ministry, and crazy young kiddos), but we’re still pretty smitten, and the Lord has been kind to give daily grace and energy to love each other well :)

I’m in my 8th year teaching first grade at South City Community School. I have the sweetest class, and for that I am thankful. Last school year was a real challenge in lots of ways, but now that I’m sleeping and found an amazing therapist, I feel like a new person! Sam continues to serve faithfully at South City Church, and even got a new title in June when the congregation voted to change his call from “Assistant” to “Associate” Pastor. His actual job didn’t change much, but that’s Presbyterian lingo for “more complicated to fire” ;) Ministry can easily become all-consuming, but we’ve been figuring out the balance of church and home life, and learning to set aside sweet time for our family. Every Tuesday, Sam and the girls have “daddy daughter day” on his day off, which has been a real treat. So far, adventures include: the zoo, the science center, the arch, and pretty much every playground in the city.

Our new home! 

Big news from the Haist family includes buying our first home at the end of May! We’re still pretty blown away that this was able to happen, and we are very, very thankful for the Lord’s unexpected provision. The townhouse is in a neighborhood called Benton Park West, which is about a mile from church, two miles from my school, with a number of friends within walking distance! We’ve already made connections with a number of neighbors on our block, and we absolutely love living so close to Benton Park and Cherokee Street (home of the best Mexican food in the city).

15 weeks with baby #3! 

Perhaps the biggest news is finding out WE’RE HAVING ANOTHER BABY!!! Baby #3 will make his or her debut sometime on or around June 10, and if you happen to know any wealthy benefactors who might want to gift us a minivan, we wouldn’t say no :) The story Jesus seems to be writing for our family is so much better than our own. In our years of infertility, we didn’t think we’d ever say “surprise baby,” but here we are! We’re absolutely thrilled, and can’t wait to meet this little one. Right now, Chloe just wants to kiss my belly and sing “jingle bells” to baby, which is either really cute or highly inappropriate depending on where we are.

This might surprise you, but I’ve been weepy mess this season (already an emotional person -- add pregnancy… just, wow). Our hearts grieve with dear friends who weep this season. For the sadness and pain that sin brings into our lives. For the burdens we carry with friends, family, brothers, and sisters. Yet, God is kind. Advent and Christmas bring a “thrill of hope,” as we take this time to remember the promises of Jesus. Our weary world rejoices at the dawn of God’s new day. The Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and from his fullness, we have received grace upon grace. Jesus loves you, and so do we.

Merry Christmas,

Katelyn, Sam, Eden, and Chloe

Christmas Letter 2017

Dear family and friends,

Merry Christmas! It’s always wonderful for me to take this time of year to reflect on the past twelve months and figure out what updates to share.

Our girls. Wow, Jesus has been so kind. We couldn’t be more thankful for our healthy, beautiful girls, Eden and Chloe. They are truly delightful. This time last year I was 30 weeks pregnant and feeling very uncomfortable!

Eden Grace is 2.5 years old and so much fun. She has an amazing, ever-expanding vocabulary and imagination. She started going to “school” this year at Timothy Lutheran and she loves it. She tells us all about her friends, the books and songs they sing, chapel days, and the crafts she enjoys so much. She is slowly learning how to share and we’re thankful for the shepherding of her dear teachers :) Eden loves to read (well, look at) books for hours. She loves being outside, having tea parties, and caring for all her “babies” (stuffed animals). She’s so nurturing and has stepped into her big sister role with ease. It amazes us every day to see her precious personality continue to come out--she’s a delightful little girl and we’re so proud of her!

Chloe Evangeline is 10 months old and has recently decided she doesn’t hate sleep! Praise Jesus! The first 3 months of Chloe’s life, we entered the world of colic and weren’t sure we’d survive it. About the time we realized she had grown out of it, she decided she hated to sleep at night (but thankfully never lost her love for napping)! For months, “we” were averaging about 4hrs of sleep... I know they say “‘tis just a season”, but it felt like a very long season! She is a mama’s girl and separation anxiety is in full swing. She is also pretty much the cutest baby ever. She broke 4 new teeth this past month, which we think probably added to the sleepless nights. She gives the biggest smiles, the biggest giggles, and has the funniest sheepish grin whenever she crawls at lightning speed towards our electrical outlets. She keeps us on our toes for sure! She loves her sister, loves chewing on all things, and loves living on the edge (watch out dog bowls, any and all wires, and everything she can possibly pull on top of herself). She’s following in her sister’s footsteps with a deep love for carbs and cheese :) Jesus knew we needed this girl--we all love her to pieces and love getting to know her more.

Sam continues to serve as the assistant pastor at South City Church and loves it. Even in tiring seasons, the Lord is faithful to provide encouragement and joy. Our hearts are truly committed to this church and this city, and it’s a privilege to help serve as the hands and feet of Jesus in our neighborhood.

I continue to teach first grade at South City Community School with a class of 13 this year! My class has been a bit more challenging this time around, but we’re learning and growing alongside each other and I’ve seen glimmers of relational progress. We’ve implemented a “gratitude circle” at the end of each day--a time and place to compliment one another and share something or someone we are grateful for as we reflect on our school day. This has been good practice for me too. Every time I see the preschoolers out and about at school I can barely handle the thought of Eden being here with me next year!

The past few months Eden has been asking questions about the homeless people we see in our neighborhood and around the city. We’ve talked a bit about some of their stories and she’s starting to understand that lots of them are homeless for lots of different reasons. We take a moment to pray whenever we get a chance, and a few weeks ago we decided to pick up some granola bars to give out at intersections. It’s just a simple way to say “we see you and we care about you.” Anyway, a few days ago, we were heading out to the car and Eden was trying to tell her sister why we needed to bring the granola bars: “our people are hurting and need this, Chloe.” I still get weepy thinking about it. Even as a two year old, she gets it. She understands that we’re not too different. These are our people--people like us who ache and yearn and sin and struggle and need all the grace and mercy we can get. Thankfully, that’s exactly what Christmas is all about: “the Word became flesh and dwelt among us” and “from his fullness we all have received grace upon grace” (John 1:14-16).

I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t make me uncomfortable when a homeless person walks up to my car. But this Christmas--through the words, curiosity, and nurturing soul of my 2 year old daughter--Jesus is reminding me of the whole point of the gospel: the prince of heaven gave up his riches, entered this world, made himself homeless, to bring us to the palace of God. Hallelujah! What a love. What a Savior!

So this Advent season, I’ve been weepy (surprise!) at the beauty of Jesus, through the eyes of Eden. And I’ve been reminded time and time again that our call on this earth is to model that same kind of love--incarnational, self-giving, indiscriminate love for our people, all of them--till the day that he returns.

This Christmas, may the incredible love of Jesus fill your homes and plant in your hearts a deep desire to love as he first loved us.

Love,

The Haists

Chloe Evangeline Haist

Dear family and friends, 

Chloe Evangeline Haist, our precious daughter, was born on February 7, 2017 at 1:39AM. She weighed 6lbs 15oz and was 20in long. Here is her coming into the world story (better late than never).

Wrangling Eden for teeth brushing the evening of Feb. 6th.

It was the morning of February 7th. For two weeks, I had been having unpredictable  contractions. They weren’t Braxton Hicks anymore, these were the real deal, confirmed by being 2.5cm dilated and 90% effaced at 35 weeks (we knew this after an unexpected hospital visit). I told Sam the morning of February 7th that I wasn’t feeling “myself” but couldn’t really pinpoint what was wrong. I went on with my day teaching and mom-ing. At our appointment with the midwife that afternoon (37wks 4 days), she said baby’s head was low, but unfortunately I could keep having spontaneous/painful contractions up until my due date and they were no real sign that baby was coming early. She did also throw in what to do in case of a car birth (ha!) and that she wasn’t making any promises, but didn’t expect to see us the following Monday. I was pretty discouraged by our appointment, as I couldn’t bear the thought of 2.5 more weeks of feeling the way I was feeling. We got home and went on with our afternoon/evening. I gave Eden her bath, snuggled her close as we read stories, and kissed her goodnight.

I settled in with Sam to watch an episode of The West Wing, when the contractions picked up again (this was the “normal” pattern of our evenings). Back to the birthing ball for me. However, the contractions seemed to keep coming even after an hour, two hours, 2.5hrs, etc. Not really getting closer together -- every 10min, then 15min, then 8min, then 4min. No real pattern. We got ready for bed and laid down. Not for long! I had to keep getting up to walk through the contractions but they still weren’t coming in any pattern, and they weren’t getting any more intense. Around 11:30pm, Sam insisted I call the midwife (I was pretty apprehensive since the contractions weren’t unbearable yet). The midwife told me they usually don’t have mamas come in until their contractions are much closer together and intensifying, but she told me to trust my body and she’d be happy to meet me if we thought it was go time. I told her better safe than sorry (I was gbs positive and needed an antibiotic via IV). We decided to meet at The Birthing Center in an hour, at 12:30am.

Chloe Evangeline Haist

We called our dear friends George and Laura and they headed over to spend the night with Eden. We headed to the hospital -- chatting, listening to music, relaxed and not convinced we’d be staying to have our baby. We were fully prepared to be sent home. When we arrived at the MBC (Mercy Birthing Center), we were greeted by two of the midwives. They checked me (3.5cm) and told me I’d most likely be heading home but just in case things progressed, they’d like to get the IV started to be on the safe side. They were going to keep me for a little bit to see if things picked up. While the midwife was putting the IV in my hand, the contractions started coming one on top of the other. They weren’t manageable anymore -- I needed to get up and walk. I walked with the IV drip for 10min until it finished and then told Sam and I was definitely having a baby today and to get a hold of our parents. The contractions were coming over me so quickly I couldn’t get on top of my breathing. I remember telling Sam this was hurting way worse than with Eden and I wasn’t sure I could do it (without knowing, I was in transition). I needed relief, so I waddled myself into the shower. About 10min into laboring in the shower and I was screaming “GET THE MIDWIFE” at Sam who had just returned from calling our parents.

First family photo 15min after birth

The midwife came in and I told her “I needed to push”, “I thought I felt a head”, “I was feeling a lot of pressure”. She calmly told me to “trust my body”. I stood up and my water burst. Dripping wet, I made it to the bed without enough time to dry off. Two pushes later, and Chloe made her big debut. The start of my IV was at 1:05AM. Chloe made her grand entrance at 1:39AM. Sam and I couldn’t stop laughing -- did that just happen? Was our daughter really here? The pain of those 34min was unfathomable! 

But there she was, in our arms. 

I was flooded with emotions. Different from what I felt after Eden. Eden was our joyous gift after years of suffering. Chloe was what we called our “good news” gift baby. Her whole life in the womb was the Lord reminding me of his goodness and kindness to his children. After Chloe, all I could think about was this little person, knitted together by the Creator of the universe. The truth that the Lord knew her, her whole being now in my arms, far before I did. He knew that she’d have a head full of dark wavy hair. He knew that she’d sleep with her mouth open. He knew that her toes would be long, and she’d have the best wrist creases even at 6lbs 15oz. He knew about her kissable cheeks and he knew that her ears would be hairy. I just couldn’t/can’t handle that he knew. Every inch of her was already known, and not by me.

Her name. Chloe is a woman of the Bible. While we don’t know much about her, it was while he was benefiting from the hospitality of her home that Paul received information of strife among leaders in the Early Church. Her middle name, Evangeline, is Greek for “bearer of good news”. This was so much of Chloe’s story, in the womb, and now. One of my many earthly struggles is that I often let Satan convince me that good things will be taken from me. I wait for the something to go wrong because things can’t possibly be good. That’s my Chloe. The Lord kept telling me time and time again throughout my pregnancy that he wanted this good gift of Chloe for our family. He kept telling me to rest in his goodness -- his kindness in wanting to give his children good gifts. While it wasn’t easy, I was able to let go and listen to Jesus more this pregnancy. I was actually able to rest without anxiety and fear.

This feels like the longest blog post ever, but I did want to say a few things about being a mom of two now. As many of you know, I had what felt like a long season (9 months - ha!) of grieving that our family was going to change. I honestly did not believe the dozens of people that told me my heart would “grow” and that I would love Chloe as much as Eden. It didn’t seem possible. Let me tell you, this love thing, it’s crazy. Those people? They were so right. The moment I met Chloe, it felt like I had known her since before our family was our family. It felt so natural and “right” that she would be here. It didn’t feel like she was intruding on our family (I know, that sounds crazy), it felt like she had always been a part of it. People tell

you it’s going to be a hard transition. What they don’t tell you is that it’s going to have moments of sweetness that make your heart want to explode. And perhaps one of the greatest truths of the “hard transition” is -- you’ve already done this! What they tell you is that your first baby is going to act out and change. What they don’t tell you is that you’re going to fall more deeply in love with your firstborn because you’ve never known them in this new capacity. It’s a new way of knowing Eden more intimately -- to know her as a sister. What they tell you is your marriage will change again -- the good, the bad, and the ugly. What they forget to tell you is that just like your heart grew the moment you met baby #2, your heart also grew to love that husband of yours in a new/different way in this new/different season of your marriage. When he’s rocking a newborn again at 3am, and you just want to cry because you’re so overwhelmed with gratitude that the Lord named that man as the father of your children.

As a mama of two earthly babies and one heavenly baby, here’s what I continue to learn. Grateful doesn’t seem like a strong enough word for the overwhelming thankfulness that we’ve been loaned these beautiful daughters here on earth. Grace doesn’t run out when you claim your faith in Jesus. It overflows. In the middle of the night, through the colic and reflux, in the tantrums, in the short temperateness, in the blinding fear, in all of it -- God’s grace is sufficient. ] Now to let myself rest in that grace -- still working on it. NEW MERCIES my friends. New mercies. When I kiss my husband and babies goodnight, I pray over them that we would wake up with eyes to see the Lord’s new mercies. For all the ways we fail during our day to love each other and Jesus well, there are new mercies extended to us. Mom guilt is a real thing. It can be paralyzing at times (can I get an Amen?). I legit bought a set of watercolors and spent 15min (with a screaming hungry baby) getting it set up for Eden so she didn’t watch one more episode of Curious George while I nursed Chloe at 5 days old. Because her brain just might turn to mush. What! Please laugh with me about that, but also know that you’re not the only mama that feels consumed with guilt over trivial (or not trivial) things.

Second child of ours, Chloe Evangeline, you are so treasured by this mama. I put your little mouth up my cheek every morning and feel you breathe in, and breathe out. I rock you far past the moment you fall asleep, because I don’t want to forget the heaviness of you in my arms. I trace your eyes and your nose and your mouth with my finger all. the. time. I sit here right now, next to your bed, watching your chest rise and fall -- that alone, is the most beautiful sight. You are my living, thriving, beautiful, gift of God’s goodness and I don’t take a moment with you for granted. I'm so glad Jesus knit you into the story of our family. 

Love,

Katelyn

Enough.

Dear family and friends,

We’ve made it to 37 weeks with baby #2! She is healthy and growing and getting chubby. We can’t wait to meet her face to face so soon.

This last month of pregnancy has been physically and emotionally exhausting. I’ve been so needy. In the “fun ways” like, “hey Sam, I really need a milkshake” and in the not-so-fun ways that end in lots of tears and overwhelming insecurities that there’s no way I am, can, or will be enough for these two girls, and Sam.

Eden has been having a hard time sleeping the past few months. She’s scared, and needy just like her mama. She knows change is coming and wants to soak in her time with us as much as we do with her before we enter into a season of so many unknowns. Not sleeping/napping, partnered with growing a human inside of me, does not bode well for my overall well-being. Exhaustion turns me into an impatient, no-grace-in-the-moment, crank. 

All of that being said, Eden slept last night, and this morning, and for the first time in months I had intentional time to sit with Jesus, talk to baby girl, and lay all my fears at the feet of my Creator. A sweet friend told me to listen to Ellie Holcomb’s new song, “wonderfully made”. Be careful, it will bring you to tears. As I listened to this song, all I could think about was how fearful I have been this pregnancy that I am not, will not, and can not be enough — these words were balm to my soul.

“What if I saw me the way that you see me?
What if I believed it was true?
What if I traded this shame and self-hatred,
For a chance at believing you?

That you knit me together in my mother's womb,
And you say that I've never been hidden from you.
And you say that I'm wonderfully, wonderfully made.”

So today, and in these last days until baby girl arrives, I am going to rest in His totally sufficient “enoughness” for me. For Sam. For Eden. For baby girl. Because He makes all grace abound. And because he sees me and says I’m wonderfully made. As I prayed for baby girl this morning, her coming into the world story, and our family as we prepare for her — I made sure to tell her over and over and over again that the author of her story already calls her wonderfully made. There is nothing better.

Much love,
Katelyn

Christmas Letter 2016

Dear family and friends, 

We wanted to take the opportunity of this Christmas card season to write about what has been happening with the Haists in St. Louis this year! 

We should start with the star of the family. Eden is 20 months old! She is so much fun. The perfect mix of sweet and sassy, and she’s gaining more and more independence by the minute. She loves to dance, sing, read books, go (pretend) grocery shopping, and do puzzles, but she would much prefer to be outside than inside. She can also tell you the sounds a cow, cat, dog, owl, sheep, and fish make. Her vocabulary has taken off and it’s so much fun to watch (and hear). She loves people and is such a joy to be around. While I’m at work, Eden hangs out with her dad on Mondays (“daddy-daughter-date-day”), her buddy Eli and our dear friend Cara on Tuesdays, and the rest of the week she comes to on-sight childcare at my school. She loves her friends and sweet, sweet teacher in childcare! The Lord truly has given us the sweetest gift in calling me and Sam to be her parents and we’re grateful for the village he’s given us to help raise her. 

Sam continues to serve as the assistant pastor at South City Church (the church we’ve been a part of since moving to St. Louis). He enjoys working alongside our lead pastor Mike Higgins —along with the rest of the staff—and serves the church in a number of capacities. He preaches about once per month and leads the liturgy most other Sundays. He also coordinates several ministries and is currently co-teaching a Sunday School class on prayer. The meetings seem endless to me, but he is energized by them and genuinely enjoys spending time with people. It’s rare for me to hear Sam complain about his job. He is a selfless servant and I’m always in awe at the ways he continues to serve us and the church. He also surprises me with how wise he is :) In his “free time” he enjoys listening to music, collecting records, reading, reading, and reading some more. Oh, and of course drinking coffee. 

As for me, I continue to teach M-F until 1:30pm at South City Community School. I have an energetic, lively class of 12 this year. They’re keeping me on my toes, but I really do enjoy them :) In a season of much transition for our family, I’ve struggled with working and not being home with Eden, but the Lord keeps reminding me over and over again that he has gifted me with the ability to teach and serve his littlest people—and that’s a privilege. I’m also so grateful for my school, which has been a huge gift to our family.

30 weeks with baby girl #2!

Speaking of transition, in just 10 short weeks, we will be welcoming baby girl #2 into our family! This pregnancy has been so different from Eden’s. I’ve been 100% more relaxed, which makes the biggest difference! Every baby movement still gives me flutters, and I’ve generally felt great (minus her nuzzling into my sciatic nerve). That said, pregnancy physically feels much different when you're also keeping up with a toddler—it seems like a general achy feeling never goes away. My emotions have been all over the place! We long to know this little girl (whose name we are keeping surprise—we think you’ll like it), but also live in the tension of grieving that this season as a family of three is coming to an end. We know in our hearts that this little girl will bring immense joy but the head stuff gets the best of me most days and I just want to freeze time with the miraculous baby movements and Eden in this fun age! Baby girl is expected to make her debut on or around February 23rd.

We also started the house hunt this past spring, but after exploring a number of options, we decided that, financially, now is not the wisest time for us to buy. So, we moved to a new

apartment! We’re now two blocks from the church and only a short drive from my school. Same great landlord and we love our new place: we’ve got a little more room and it’s the neighborhood we want to live in. It’s truly a gift to do the vast majority of life, ministry, and work within a two mile radius. Eden and Ethel particularly enjoy the much bigger back yard to play in.

Eden doing Ethel's hair.

Oh Ethel. Our first baby that never gets enough attention. She continues to be the most patient dog we’ve ever seen, and she and Eden have the sweetest bond. Watching them together reminds me that Ethel is indeed an important part of our family and we’re so glad she's our pup.

During this Advent season, I’ve been reflecting a lot on “waiting”—what it means, what it looks like, what it feels like, even what it smells like. Sometimes it’s little things, like waiting for coffee to brew, but other times it’s big things like waiting for the Lord to answer your plea for a child—or even bigger like waiting for Christ’s return. I’ve been thinking about how often we wait, and at least for me, how poorly we wait. In a world of Netflix and Amazon Prime, we’re pretty addicted to instant gratification.

But as I read the Bible, I’m constantly amazed at how long the people of God waited for him to come through. At times content, often anxious, laced with both sadness and hope. But God’s promises are true, and he always does what he says.

So in preparing our hearts for Christmas, we wait. Just as the people of Israel waited for the promised Messiah, we wait for his glorious return. We’re going on 2,000 years, but the promise remains the same: he will come like a thief in the night and we’re called to wait with joyful anticipation. He’s not finished with us here, so we ought to wait with eyes open, hands ready, and hearts content in the truth of his promises.

One of my favorite passages this time of year is when the angels show up to tell the shepherds that the Savior is here. These men are the outcasts of their society, yet they’re the first to know that the Lord has fulfilled his promise. I get weepy just thinking about it. Can you imagine the surprise, the confusion, the joy? Their waiting is over! The King has come.

Luke 2:8-20
In the same region there were some shepherds staying out in the fields and keeping watch over their flock by night. And an angel of the Lord suddenly stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them; and they were terribly frightened. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. "This will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." And suddenly there appeared with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace among men with whom He is pleased." When the angels had gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds began saying to one another, "Let us go straight to Bethlehem then, and see this thing that has happened which the Lord has made known to us." So they came in a hurry and found their way to Mary and Joseph, and the baby as He lay in the manger. When they had seen this, they made known the statement which had been told them about this Child. And all who heard it wondered at the things which were told them by the shepherds. But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart. The shepherds went back, glorifying and praising God for all that they had heard and seen, just as had been told them. 

Anyway, these are my jumbled thoughts for the season. Personally, I’m so grateful that the Lord meets us in different seasons of our life and marriage and constantly says, "I see you, I have not forgotten you." This season, he’s reminding me that he sees us as we wait for a new season to begin as a family of four. And, in this, he’s giving me tangible reminders of his promise—and an idea of what it looks like to wait with joyful anticipation (even as we wrestle with our fears and our doubts). He’s a good God, friends. Rest in his promise this Christmas: the King came down as a beautiful baby boy, and will soon come again to restore the overwhelming brokenness in our hearts and in our world. 
 

Joy to the world, the Lord is come. 

With much love,

Katelyn, Sam, Eden, baby girl #2, and Ethel 

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

ONE.

Dear family and friends,

Just like that, we have a ONE year old and there are so many emotions I can’t even communicate them all. This past year has been simultaneously the most draining and joy-filled time of my life. This little person came into the world, and the world will never be the same again. Many of you have asked to hear my birth story, which I would gladly share with you. Sparing many of the details of course, I’ll share a brief part of Eden’s coming-into-the-world day.

On Wednesday, April 7th, I woke up with bleeding. My doctor asked me to come in immediately. My heart still skips a beat as I type that, because although completely normal at the start of birth, bleeding meant urgency. Something was wrong to me. We got in to the hospital and everything checked out fine — I was actually contracting and didn’t even realize it. They sent me home and said to keep going about life as usual (ha!!!!!).

I got home at 6am, and went ahead with my normal day. I went into school and met with my substitute. We went through the plans for the last 6-weeks of the school year. I continued with the day, and upon arriving home in the afternoon, something changed. I started to contract more often but still not in any discernible rhythm. Sam got home around 5pm, we had dinner, watched a few episodes of New Girl and settled in for the night. Not for long!

Around 10pm, the contractions started to get more frequent. I’d lay down for 30min, and then be up walking the hall of our apartment and holding on to the furniture until the contraction passed. Then I’d lay back down again, and repeat (about every half hour throughout the night). I woke up on Thursday morning and decided I was a little too uncomfortable to go into school that day. So I went ahead and called off and asked my substitute to start my leave. Sam and I decided to go to breakfast at our favorite STL place, Southwest Diner.

When we were seated, Sam reminded me I should probably eat something more bland, which is hard to do at an extreme flavor blasting breakfast joint. I went with the fried egg sandwich. The only problem: I couldn’t even get my order out because I was contracting so much! So funny, and humbling, to lose breath mid-sentence and “need a minute.” We came home and Sam decided it was probably a good idea for him to work from home that day. I laid on the couch and continued with the pattern of contractions every 30min. We took some long walks that day! Around 5pm, I realized the contractions were getting a little more intense but with no real rhythm yet (about 15min apart but then would jump to 45min). I called our doula, Kelley, and she said she would head our way.

I was so glad she came when she did. The contractions were inconsistent and at times discouraging - the’d go from 5min apart to 25min apart. Kelley encouraged us to wait until the sun went down and that the storm that was brewing could work in our favor too. Sure enough, the sun went down and things picked up. Kelley was a saint. She helped Sam with some massaging techniques on my back, and also helped me to rest between contractions. I even laid in bed, half napping, watching some New Girl. Around 10pm I heard Kelley say to Sam, “did you see that change in her? Time to go to the hospital. Grab some towels for the car just in case.” The most vivid memory of that moment is Sam’s eyes bugging out of his head.

I cried all the way to the hospital {like the really ugly crying with snot and tears and more snot}. Fear. Anxiety. Pain. Excitement. So many emotions. We got there and it’s like no one was taking me seriously. “Can you tell me your address?” ISN’T THIS WHY I PRE-REGISTERED? The receptionist finally realized I was legit in labor when she saw me losing breath mid-sentence. After that, she took me back and, sure enough, 6cm dilated. All of a sudden she picked up the pace to get us a room :)  We got into the room, got everything hooked up, checked vitals, etc. I labored walking for a while, in bed, on the ball. Kelley walked us through everything — seriously, having a doula was amazing. She was amazing. And it helped Sam to relax and really focus on me, not just the urgency to “get me out of pain.” Around 2am I got into the shower and labored there until I was ready to push, around 5am. The shower was the best. It’s amazing that my body just got into a rhythm and knew exactly what to do. It’s hard to explain how empowering the whole experience was. Even though it was painful, it felt productive. Once it was time to push, I talked to my doctor on the phone. She said she would be there soon and told me she was proud of me — good words to hear. Unfortunately, the next 3hrs were the part of labor that are still traumatizing in my mind. I pushed for over 3hrs. I remember looking at my doula, Sam, and the doctor crying and asking why nothing was happening. It was discouraging, excruciating, and so so long. I wanted all the drugs at this point :) Come to find out, this little lady was sunny side up, hence all the back labor. Finally, at 8:01am, our girl entered the world. The doctor put her on me immediately and I was so afraid I was going to drop her. I was shaking and crying and shaking and crying. I looked at Sam, and he was in the same emotional state as me. He just kept telling me how proud he was. The hardest work I’ve (we’ve - all three of us) have ever done.
The moment the doctor put Eden on me, I remember thinking I did nothing to deserve the gift of her life. She was a living, breathing, human on the outside of me and I couldn’t wrap my head around it. The Lord found us fit to be her parents, and here we are. One year later.

Her name, Eden Grace. So fitting for our girl. We settled on the name Eden as we thought about God’s story of creation. The garden of Eden, before Adam sinned, was a picture of the way things were intended to be. During the dark days of infertility and our miscarriage, we kept longing for the biblical Eden. The Lord’s gift of her life is a reminder to us of the way things were intended to be. Her life brought joy in the morning. Light after living in darkness. I often pray that her name is a reminder to her that though we can’t protect her from the brokenness of the world, Jesus reigns. He is working to further His Kingdom here on earth until he makes all things new.

Her middle name, Grace. I can’t even. This year if I’ve learned one thing, it’s that Jesus’ grace is what sustains. His mercies are new every morning and BOY do I look forward to His new mercies. I can’t really explain the mom guilt piece of this past year and the conflict of my heart in learning to trust my instincts. God named ME her mama. Why can’t I trust that he has also enabled me to care for her how she needs to be cared for? I’ve needed so much of His sustaining grace in the moments of feeling like I’ve failed, in the moments of sleep-deprivation that leave you a CRAZY person, and the ugliness (and loneliness) that comes from pretending I’m in control. Oh Eden, my prayer for you is that you’ll never know a day without the saving grace of Jesus. 

Eden Grace : born April 9th, 2015 at 8:01am. Weighing 8lbs, 1oz and measuring 20in long. You entered the world quietly, but quickly found your voice. A true gift to us, joy that came in the morning. And by grace and grace alone have we fumbled our way through your first year of life. Your dad and I learning {and still learning} to love each other differently, more deeply, but differently. Getting to know you as a treasured image bearer of God. Your personhood is so precious. It’s amazing to us that while we rest in Jesus, you rest in us as a safe haven. We are your people here on earth. But never forgot, sweet one, that Jesus is your keeper. You are a beloved daughter of the King, and that is the greatest gift of all.

Family and friends, thank you for being our village. For carrying us through with ceaseless prayers, phone calls, emails, babysitting, and so much more. This life we live is not intended to be lived alone, and we are so abundantly grateful for each and every one of you. Give thanks with us, for this child we longed and prayed for is celebrating ONE year of life. She is so amazing.

With love, Katelyn

Moments.

Dear family and friends,

It’s been a while, which I’m sure is coming as a shock to you. I’ve had so many thoughts running through my head, but one that keeps coming to mind is the idea of “moments.” I’ve felt the past few months the weight of the fall so heavily. In the nearness of cancer as it takes the life of someone very dear to us, in the loss of babies, in the suffering of infertility for close friends, in the brokenness of marriages that seemed unbreakable, the nearness of injustice tearing at the hearts of people I love. The list goes on… I’ve felt heavy hearted. I often find myself weepy lately. I’m a burden carrier - so I’ve found myself back at Matthew 28, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Balm for the soul. Give it to Jesus, give it to Jesus Katelyn.

This time last year, 33 weeks pregnant

The weight of those hurting around me, and my own aching heart, has tuned my heart to relishing in the moments, as corny as that may sound. The Lord has even shown me kindness that in the really hard moments, I can sit in them and even at times find rest. This month, these weeks, are especially hard. It’s been two years the first week of March that we lost our first precious baby to the arms of Jesus. Those moments are so vivid in my memory.

Our first positive pregnancy test after such a trying season of infertility - oh the joy that I will never forget. The screaming. The crying. The laughing. The praises to Jesus that he had answered our cry for a baby! And then the days and weeks to follow that were filled with the loneliest moments of my life. The strain that grieving puts on your marriage. The strange desire to create distance from those trying to enter in because it’s so much easier than being vulnerable. The anger. Oh the anger. The deep sadness. And the disheartening reminder of loss, of literal emptiness, in so many weeks of bleeding. Yet, in those weeks as I remember the moments two years later, I remember a village like I’ve never known. Meals after meals. Phone calls. Visits. People surrounding us as the hands and feet of Jesus. The most tangible reminder in those weeks and months to follow that the Lord had not forsaken us. Even better, He was so close. I long with so much joyful anticipation for the day when we will hold this sweet baby in our arms. I miss him or her so often.

our first ever positive pregnancy test

And now I sit in a new season of moments. Mama moments with our earthly bundle of love. Learning with so much grace what this looks like and how to rest in the imperfections of life. As I carry a weary heart for the brokenness in the world, as I’m constantly reminded in the everyday moments of being Eden’s mama, there are great gifts in the midst of weariness. The moments of giggling, of pirate-leg crawling (it’s seriously hilarious), of sassiness and screeching. In the moments of not-napping (which usually make me want to pull out all my hair), I’ve been able to thank God that there is a baby in my arms that is not napping. Wouldn’t trade those hard moments for anything. Don’t hear me saying I’m some saint—the frustration and the anger is all there in the hard moments. I’m just sharing that lately, the Lord is reminding me to be still in these moments.
To treasure them. To seek His faithfulness, His kindness, His good gifts, before I seek the selfish desires of my own heart. For even Eden, as a tiny image-bearer, bears the weight of sin. God extends his grace freely to me, and so I’m trying by his sweet new mercies, to extend it to Eden. Soaking in the moments of waking up next to the love of my life every morning, and going to bed with him every night. Treasuring the moments of nursing and rocking Eden knowing these moments are fleeting. Relishing in the pure crazy of my days as a teacher, aware that the Lord has equipped me and called me to love on these little people. Sitting in the moments of fear and anxiety, knowing that God is able. And trying to rest. Oh does this weary heart need to rest. Trying to rest in God’s promise to take my burdens if I come to Him.

You know that saying, “live in the moment?” The one that is plastered on every motivational poster with a beautiful sunset behind it? Well, that’s how I feel right now. The Lord is teaching me to sit in the moments.

To find beauty in the moments.

To cry and grieve and relive and cherish with my whole being, the moments.

For he has ordained them.

These moments are His. 

With love,
Katelyn